It's so easy to fall down the spiral of stubbornness, righteousness, and pain. Being newly married is hard. When people ask me when I got married, and I tell them less than a year ago, they automatically say "Oh! You're still newlyweds!" or "Oh, still in your honeymoon period!" And while I do appreciate the well wishes and the optimism...I sometime really don't think of this stage of my life and our lives as being so carefree and blissful.

Why so down? It takes me a lot of brain power to think of the responsible adult things in life. What job to get. Should we buy a house. When to buy. Where to buy. How to spend our time. Who to spend it with. Should we have kids. When to have kids. How many kids to have. How's my health. How's his health. What bills to pay. How to save. The list goes on and on.

Don't get me wrong. There are more times than I can count where things are happy and light and blissful and fun and very funny. (see mini-golf outing and holiday party below) But I suppose that I can't just ignore the hard and serious things that come with marriage and building a life together. I used to nod my head at church when the speaker would say "marriage is like two rivers merging together." I acutally know what that feels like. I was really ignorant of what it took to be in a meaningful, intentional, and intimate marriage. One thing that I am learning is that being in that kind of a marriage takes a lot of humility. Of course, I don't know even a smidgen of being in that kind of a marriage which is also long lasting. Time will tell. And now. I do think (too infrequently than I probably should) that I am a bad wife because I'm still selfish. A hard thing to admit to myself let alone to my husband. It stinks. When will I be done with this life lesson?

Thank my dad for sending me off in a good direction. For those of you who attended our wedding, you might remember that he gave us two books to read. The first one, "The Cost of I Do," was precisely about that. The central message...you guessed it. There is a cost to saying I do. In a nutshell, the book tried to expose the more serious real life about marriage. About taking responsibility and being serious about the commitment. Not my favorite book, but a valid perspective.

I was reminded of the second book, "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work," the other day. Having recently fallen sharply down the vortex of hurt and anger, I was reminded that marriage, and especially my marriage, takes work. I thought, was I putting any work in it? Or did I just think coasting by was effort enough? I'm not saying the book is the answer to it all. My inspiration and revelation comes from God and those things and people around me. Over the next several posts, I want to share the principles espoused in the book I read because I think it can be a good supplement. Also because someone was supposed to read but hasn't, probably won't, and I'll have to summarize it anyway. And hopefully future posts will continue to reveal that I am getting better at being in a marriage and growing as a person.

The sobering reality to me...I can put so much more effort into my marriage. I have to. Not because it's not working. Not because we were not supposed to be together. But because we made a commitment to each other. We made a promise that we would be married. We hold true to the words "I love you" and saying that to another person demands that effort and commitment. I work so hard at other things. I get distracted by other things. I prioritize other things. It makes me sad at how deficient I can be in this marriage. But it gives me hope and makes me glad, that I can always do better tomorrow.

I love you Vince!
Even when I'm mean.