What do I Treasure?

For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

Looking for a job has not been a bowl of cherries. This transition in my life has not been anything like I expected. Getting married. Moving to a new area. Looking for a new job. Trying to plan for the future. Trying to lay the ground work for that future. And you know how I like to have control...and how I like to know what's going to happen. I want to be a good wife. I want to find a good job. I want to make a difference. And maybe someday...I want to be a good mom. But sometimes that is so overwhelming to me. How to orchestrate all of that so that all those things happen. How can I ensure that that happens. Surely God would want that for me. That is what I treasure. I treasure being stable and secure. I treasure being successful (not necessarily wildly successful). I treasure my life and my things and my status here in this world. In the very immediate...I would really treasure getting a job.

Of course, it's not wrong to want those things. Sure maybe it coincides with God's plan for me. But I can't fool myself...and for sure not fool God. I really want that for me. My heart gets consumed with all those things. And because of my human condition, my heart stops at the things that I treasure.

I want a good job. But I want it so that I can be stable and make money and build towards a future. I didn't want a good job so that maybe I could be more useful to God. I want to be a good wife so that I can build a good family so I could be happy and boast about how good a wife I turned out to be. I didn't want to go through hard times to perhaps touch someone else's life. I didn't want to be good wife with a good family so that I could boast about how God has helped me and has transformed me. Those things, stability, financial success, great family, are all wonderful things...but I don't think they should be where it all ends. There has to be more. God has more in store than just building my life here in this world.

This week I was reminded of one of my most cherished songs. It's called "How Deep the Father's Love for Us" by Stuart Townend. There's a version sung by Joy Williams who has a very very beautiful voice. The song very movingly describes how much He loves me. That He treasures me. Even when I least deserved it. Even though I treasure other things.

So will it be easy to treasure what God did for me? Can I treasure what He will do through me? Will I simply treasure God and who He is regardless of how my life turns out? Or will I continue to treasure things like my job (or future job) or my financial stability or my reputation. I don't think that it will be easy to shift my perspective. I don't really even know how I would do it. I will try to move my heart away from treasuring the things I want and think are good. I want to treasure the things that matter to God. Loving Him. Loving people. I'm sure it will be easier to do when times are better. The bigger challenge will be to do so when things are not good or not smooth. When I'm anxious about my future. Or scared about what will happen. I know it will take a lot of awareness and real honesty. And hopefully reminders when I get going down the oh-so familiar track.

Where my treasures are...there my heart will be. I want my heart to be with God...so I will do my best to make Him my treasure.